Sharmaine Ang

In life, you need either inspiration or desperation.

Monday, 7 August 2017

Starting from the start once again...


Okay, before start reading this, you all should turn on a song, and listen to the song while reading to the blog, search for 'Drenched' and yes, now u can start to read. 

So now is 11.10pm on a Monday morning. (usual monday blues of course). I just finished a movie called 'How to be Single', and I think this is the perfect movie for me at this moment of time because I JUST BROKE UP 

(it marked a full-stop) 

Now the question that terrifies me the most is 'how are you and your boyfriend?' That was a really tough question, every time when i hear that question, my heart breaks a little. I really do not know how to answer that, I don't think I am tough enough to answer that. Because when i say, 'I just broke up', the next question would be WHY. 

I feel like telling them 'NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS', but instead I have to smile and say "PERSONALITIES CLASHES" which is pure bullshit. the real reason is actually because both of us cant hold this shit together anymore and things are falling apart. Nobody would understand this, so no point create another why question for myself to answer. 

So, we broke up on the 22nd July, and it was exactly one week before his birthday. I did not plan that for sure because I was looking forward to his birthday. I had huge plans like bring him to Ho Chi Minh that he always wanted to go. However on the 21st July, I had a company party and I decided to go because we had some hiccups for the past few weeks, and I think I deserve a break for sure. That is why I told him that I wanted to go. He did not say anything, but i did not care of course. (since he always goes to club without me, so why I cannot go to some party with my colleagues) He doesn't trust me, even tho the last time i betrayed his trust was long ago. Once I have decided to settle down, I will be damn settled. But unfortunately he could not feel it. I went to the party to get my mind straight to celebrate his birthday with a more clear mind. 

So, one of my colleague/neighbour/nice guy fetched me back home after the party. When i was in the car, he called and said some nasty things just because I did not update him for 2hours when i was in the party. When the nasty things came out from his mouth, that was the moment when the thought popped in my brain. My brain suddenly woke up and told me that I definitely cannot marry someone who says something like this to me. No matter how good girl I am, I will never be to him. I will never meet his expectations because I do not have rights to ask for anything. (and that was because I misused his trust last time) Of course, I miss him. A lot. But what can I do right? I need to be very strong and know what I actually want.

I have never been single since i was 17. Like really really single, and starting to live my life for myself, instead of living for someone else. So I think this is the best time. However, I would like to thank Mr S.  He taught me how to value myself and how to not let guys take me for granted. (but I willingly let him take me for granted, pfftttt) So from now on, I will do things I like. I will start to have hobbies and meeting new people and seeing lives in a different perspective. 

It will be tough, but I will try to get myself ready. At least I have my pui pui with me. ♡ I love bears. So, pui pui is just a bear i own. (Just sharing the photos of bears from different places, the first one is pui pui!!) 

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